Building Resilience in a Comfortable World
Resilience is one of the most important skills we can develop to thrive in life. It begins forming in childhood, as we learn to handle challenges, disappointments, and change.
In The Comfort Crisis, Michael Easter describes how modern life has become so comfortable that many people now look for problems when they cannot find any. He introduces the idea of a misogi, a deliberate and meaningful challenge designed to push us to our limits and reset our sense of balance. A misogi helps us appreciate what we have and strengthens our ability to bounce back.
So what might that look like for teens and young adults?
A misogi, or challenge, should be something with about a fifty percent chance of failure. It is important for parents to allow space for their children to fail. In my work in schools, I have noticed that many students get discouraged when they make mistakes or do not succeed right away. Parents and teachers often rush to fix the problem so the child can feel accomplished again. But what is wrong with letting kids experience failure?
Failure is part of life. We all encounter it, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in big ones. Maybe we do not get into the program we hoped for, or the person we like does not feel the same way. These moments can be painful, but they are also opportunities to build emotional strength. When we support children through failure instead of protecting them from it, we teach them how to recover and move forward. That is what resilience is all about.
Parents can encourage this in everyday ways. If your teen wants to walk to the grocery store, even though it is a few kilometres away, let them try. If your child gets frustrated while building with LEGO, tell them you believe in their ability to figure it out on their own. Stay nearby for support and encouragement, but resist the urge to jump in too quickly.
It also helps to model resilience in your own life. Maybe you trained for a half marathon but had to stop after fifteen kilometres. That is okay. You tried, you learned, and you can try again. When young people see adults accept setbacks with grace and perspective, they learn that failure is not the end. It is part of growth.
If children grow up avoiding failure, they will only attempt things they are certain they can succeed at. That limits their growth and their potential. Real confidence comes from facing challenges, falling short, and getting back up again. A life that is a little uncomfortable at times helps us all discover what we are truly capable of.